Dont Trust The B
by Profiniux Maximus
Summary: This was the last note from maka to soul before she left on vacation. Now its only Blair and Soul for a whole two months in Death city, but laying back dosnt exsist even when Maka isnt around. Their mannors were raised by Maka, and now since they left, they started making all kinds of hell in death city, when will their terrorizing yet delightfully funny acts come to an end?


**Hi my fellow FF authors ^ ^ This is a fiction story for Soul Eater, only it's a little off topic, it takes place in times when Blair and Soul are alone at the apartment… and no, its not sex, its something more ludicrously idiotic and maybe the out come of what would happen if Crank Yanker's had sex with the Wilame's Show (that's a British animated series, only it's a funny discussion that's been turned to cartoon form) And so, I hope you all-**

**Blair *in cat form*: ENJOY! : 3 **

**NO KITTY THAT'S A BAD KITTY! : ( **

**Blair: :'( **

**So be advised that this is my first Soul Eater Story, and yes it'll be written in the form above. Why? Cause this is a comedy story AND CAUSE I CAN! :3 BWAAAAAAA!**

_Al Capone presents…_

- Don't Trust the **B**!

Chapter One - ALEINS!

-Death City-Soul and Maka's Apartment-Living Room- … some part of the day…

Blair: *watching 'ALIENS' movie* O.O …

'ALIENS': *Alien opens mouth and a little mouth bites some guys head open* AAAAAAGH!

Blair: O.O… *sips some pop*

Soul: *walks in* Home… *goes into living room* … what the hell are you watching?

Blair: O.O… Aliens…

Soul: *watches*

'ALIENS': *spider thing grabs onto someone's face and puts some penis thing in their mouth*

Soul: …

Blair: O.O… *eats some pop corn*

Soul: … is it the 1986 one or the 1985 one?

Blair: There's two?

Soul: Yeah, in the first one there's only one Alien and it kills everyone on a space station, and in this one they find Ripley in the stations stasis tube and take her to a planet colony where it got infested with Aliens.

Blair: There's a prequel?

Soul: Yeah, there's… two or three of them I think. And they all have Seougney Weaver in them.

Blair: Who's that?

Soul: The Actress that plays Ripley.

Blair: Who's Ripley?

Soul: … how long have you been watching this?

Blair: an hour or so…

Soul: *sigh* you cant be serious… it's the woman with the black curled hair?

Blair: Her?

Soul: Yeah, that's Seougney Weaver playing Ripley.

Blair: Huh… She looks hot…

Soul: ? confused face She's a girl, and you're a girl…

Blair: Yep J

Soul: … are you a lesbian?

Blair: Gasp! : O YOU PERV! PUMPKIN CANON! *Shoots random beam*

Soul: O.O OH SHI- *doges* *Beam goes through the roof and at the academy*

Death The Kid: *at the Academy setting flowers on the balcony* There… all the most popular flowers in the world by order on each side with my favorite in the middle, healthy Roses ^_^ *Beam takes out Rose Pot* *Opens eyes* O.O… No… that… it… *drops on knees* THAT ISNT FAAAAAAAAAAIR!

Sun: *makes usual laughing noises*

Kid: *shakes fist at the sun* STOP LAUGHING AT ME!

Blair: I MEANT SHE LOOKED HOT AS IN SHE WAS SWEATING! : (

Soul: AND I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR MEANING AND NOW THERES A HOLE IN THE DAMN ROOF! : (

Later… - Outside the apartment building

Medusa: So… you want me to fix the roof?

Soul: yep.

Blair *cat form on Souls shoulder*: yep.

Medusa: … *looks up at the hole* … *back to them* I'm the school nurse and a semi evil witch.

Soul: So?…

Medusa: …. I don't specialize with construction.

Soul: Well there's three reasons you should be up there by now fixing that roof.

Medusa: Try me…

Soul: One, you're a witch so you can do anything, two, your not only the school nurse, your kinda also a contributee to be a serving individual to the academy students, and three, I can get lord death to use his reaper chop on you.

Medusa: … but…. Im clumsy on roofs and I don't like heights! What if I fall and break my neck?

Blair: … so? Get up there and show some GIRL POWER! :D POWER-PUFF!

Medusa: sigh, fine. Is there any certain way you want me to do it?

Soul: Not really.

Blair: Nope.

Medusa: *grins*

Later…

Medusa: *done climbing a ladder to the roof* *takes out a duct tape roll scroll* Heh, stupid a**holes… *Starts tapping roof*

Blair: *doing dishes*

Soul: *watching the News*

Medusa: *reaches to make the last cover* get over there ya-.. Err! *ladder starts leaning* *looks down* n-n-n-n-n-NO! *grabs onto rain gutter and ladder lands on the ground* OH MY WORD! H-HELP! HELP!

Blair: *listening to Ipod with headphones*

Soul: *hypnotized by the TV in pure boredom*

Medusa: HELP! IM GONNA FALL! LAUGHING SUN! HELP ME!

Sun: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

Medusa: HELP ME!

Sun: HA-HA-HA-HA-HA

Medusa: YOU! STUPID! : O

Sun: HA-HA- sorry Medusa - HA-HA-HA- I don't have arms -HA-HA-HA

Medusa: F***K YOU! *hand slips* O.O … Jesus help me…

Jesus: *magically appears*

Angles: Jesus Christ is here!

Medusa: Help Me Jesus!

Jesus: … no… *disappears*

Angles: Jesus Christ has Spoken! *disappear*

Medusa: NOO! *falls and starts whipping arms around and squirming with eyes closed and screams like a little schoolgirl* AHHH! HELP ME GOD! HELP ME BABY JESUS! HELP ME JEWISH GOD! HELP ME ALLAH!… HELP ME TOM CURSE! *opens eye* huh! *floating in mid-air* O.O am… did I die? *looks up and there's a UFO* O.O… uh… I rather fall… *starts being lifted to the UFO* no, no, put me down! *grabs rain gutter* I DON'T WANNA BE RAPED BY ALEINS!

Blair: hmm-hmhm-hmm *feels room shake* What was that!

Soul: I felt it too… lets go check outside. *goes outside with Blair*

Blair: *see's Medusa clinged onto the cable antenna* you see that?

Soul: god she must've got drunk this time -.-… MEDUSA, GET YOUR SNAKE LADY BUTT DOWN FROM THERE!

Medusa: *still clinging onto antenna*

Blair: She's not coming down…

Soul: yeah no sh*t… well, one of us has gotta go up and get her…

Blair: Yep…

Soul: Yep…

Blair: … I painted my nails two minutes ago, there's no way. T_T

Soul: sigh, crap… *gets the ladder against the roof* keep the ladder steady… *starts climbing up and gets onto roof and starts mumbling* cant believe this is the day… that I have to haul your snake lady butt down from a roof… and- O.O are you alright?

Medusa: *shaking with blood-shot eyes*

Soul: Hey!… Snake Lady!…

Medusa: *still shaking*

Soul: *waves hand in front of her face*

Medusa: *still shaking*

Soul: … MEDUSA!

Medusa: A-a-a-a-aliens!…

Soul: *makes a confused face* Aliens?…

Medusa: *shakes her head fast*

Soul: *looks to the sky* There's no aliens…

Medusa: A-a-a-aliens… th-th-they w-w-were gonna r-r-rape me!

Soul: … Don't you mean anal probe you?

Blair: *Magically appears on a floating pumpkin* No, you mean put her in their nesting chamber and have one of their insect things put a penis thingy in her mouth and a baby comes out her chest :P

Medusa: *screams like a school girl*

Soul: : ( …

Blair: What?

An Hour Later…

Academy Hospital, 8:34 PM

Dr. Stein: Well, seems that Medusa has suffered severe shock trauma, she keeps saying she was almost abducted by aliens.

Soul: she's been saying that ever since she clinged onto the antenna.

Dr. Stein: she was on the antenna? What was she doing before she did that?

Blair: Fixing the hole in our roof.

Dr. Stein: … im gonna leave that one alone, anything unnatural happen?

Soul: Yeah, the room shaked.

Blair: More like the whole apartment.

Dr. Stein: Hmm… interesting… Well, I shall have Medusa here for the night, she may not recover until tomorrow from the shock trauma.

Soul: Alright then. And one more thing, do aliens anal probe people?

Blair: NOOOO, they have the insect things from the queens eggs to put a penis in someone's mouth and they come out their chest. :3

Soul: THAT WAS A MOVIE!

Blair: looked real to me…

Dr. Stein: I cant believe im going to waste my time explaining this T_T… Blair, that was the movie Alien, its non fictional, and the things that come out of the eggs latch onto some ones face and they insert a tube into their throat and insert one of the Alien Queens babies into them and later they come out of their chest. Soul… Aliens from space anal probing people is an urban legend and is nothing more than a gesture towards not yet proven alien abductions. Now please leave me to my studies…

Blair: So the thing that the insect thing puts into their mouths isn't a-

Soul: WILL YOU STOP CALLING IT A PENIS! : (

Dr. Stein: No Blair its not a penis, its an insertion tube. Like an oxygen tube or an IV needle.

Blair: One last question… how do the eggs come out of the queen?

Soul: it comes out some huge wet anus hole or something- *mouth covered by Stein*

Dr. Stein: Please, no more stuff about aliens, penis's, or anal probes…

INTERMISSION MESSAGE! :D

BlackStar: (speaking but has a different voice over him that sounds like a happy young adult) *looks like yelling and shaking his fist at Sid and pointing to a broken motorcycle.. And looks pissed* Hey Sid! Did those parts for the broken down motorcycle come in?

Sid: (speaking with a different voice over his that sounds like a happy adult) *looks like he's yelling back and points his finger at BlackStar and Looks Pissed* I dunno BlackStar! Lets go find out!

5 minutes later

Sid: *in office room* hey! BlackStar! *kicks down door and looks like he's yelling and pointing at BlackStar* I just found out that the part for the motorcycle is down at the Death City Auto Shop! Why don't you drive down there and pick up those parts?

BlackStar: *kicks and punches the air and yells back and looks pissed* Awesome! You're the best Sid!

Sid: Hey BlackStar! Catch! *throws a wrench at him with a computer graphic football covering it*

DEATH CITY AUTO PARTS :D COME GET YOUR SH** AND GET OUT!

Death the kid: *sitting at a desk on a laptop typing stuff*

Computer screen: *Loading video - 10% - 20% -30% -40% - 50% *freezes* Video Download, failed.

Death the kid: Damnit! *bangs it*

Computer: Updates starting, your computer will automatically shut down. Please come back in an hour… Goodbye! *Shuts Down*

Death The Kid: RRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Lizz: *in bathroom taking a bubble bath* hmm Hmhm hmm

Death the Kid: *busts in waving computer furiously* WHY ME!

Lizz: *Freaks Out* KID!

Death the kid: *bangs laptop on sink and throws it in the toilet and stomps on it and flushes it and it overflows* RRRR! BILL GATES IS THE ANTI-CRIST! AHH, MOTHER FU- OOOOAGH! *waves arms in the air* GOD HELP!

Lizz: what's your problem kid?

Death the Kid: MY F****EN COMPUTER BLOWS FAT D**KS! : (

Lizz: … What league was it?

Death the kid: F***K'N WINDOWS 98!

Lizz: Ugh! You didn't switchover to windows seven… *pulls out a windows seven from the tub* its waaay better than 98...

Death the Kid: What! *takes laptop* Oh my god… its faster! *has a girl stripping on the left side of the screen* and its user friendly! :P

WINDOWS 7! UPGRADE OR BE A DOUCHE!

Soul and Maka's apartment, 7:23 PM

Blair: *in cat form playing with a ball of yarn on the couch*

Soul: *on the other side of the couch watching TV boredly*

Blair: *yarn ball falls off the couch* Naw darn… Hey Soul?

Soul: What?

Blair: Could you get my ball?

Soul: Why?

Blair: cause I wanna play with it.

Soul: *looks at the yarn ball* Uhh… sorry but its… way over there… *points at it and its just two feet away*

Blair: Hmm *makes angry face*… You think Medusa was almost abducted by aliens?

Soul: no, I doubt it…

Blair: she was shaking.

Soul: Blair, she's a crazy bitch that abused her power in the past and her kid… or I think it was hers, im not sure.

Blair: but still… its just that… what shook the house?

Soul: …. Earth quake?

Blair: … are you high or just incredibly stupid?

Soul: *sigh* Blair, your asking me questions that I don't have an answer for.

Blair: She might've been.

Soul: Don't be so conclusive.

Blair: But she-

Soul: No.

Blair: Al-

Soul: NO.

Blair: …

Soul: …

Blair: Soul?

Soul: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Blair: … what's a hooker?

Soul: Medusa and her friends.

Blair: that doesn't-

Soul: Want me to go get you a cat house?

Blair: REALLY! :P

Soul: Yep.

Blair: REALLY!

Soul: uh-huh.

Blair: …REALLY!

Soul: *sigh* yes Blair…

Blair: YAY! :P Get me an extra extra large one with separate bedrooms and a toy garage with a room where you can put ma food in! I'll feel like im living like the people in jersey shore! :D

Soul: HEY!… we don't use that language in this apartment cat lady.

Blair: oh, sorry… ill feel like im living like the Rob Dyrdek! :D

Soul: That's better J

Later after Soul drives to a store outside the city to a Pets-Mart.

Soul: *enters* ok… Blair said she needed extra large so… *looks around and sees a huge cat house taking up a section of the store* well… that saved a search. *goes to it* how the hell does she know what it has?

Two weeks earlier…

Blair: *taking a bubble bath and is reading catz magazine*

Present…

Soul: *checks price tag* 340$… well, at least she wont bother me about this whole hookers deal. *Employee passes* Excuse me sir, is it possible you can make an instant delivery of this cat house to apartment building 8 in room 34 ?

Employee: Sure, you gotta fill in the order at the desk though. You have a lot of cats or something?

Soul: *going through wallet* no, just one.

Employee: ONE!

Soul: err, I mean uhh… one hundred. I… I own a cat breeding farm and they like to play in cat houses for an hour.

Employee: but you also wanted it by an apartment.

Soul: … I live with people that have a lot of cats…

Employee: … ok! Ill have this ready to be dissembled and shipped to your place as soon as possible.

Soul: *goes to front desk and there's a lady with grey skin and fully black eyes with blonde hair at the desk* *places credit card on the desk* 340$ for the extra large cat house please*

Desk Clerk: *takes credit card and confirms the purchase and gives back card*

Soul: thanks J *leaves*

Desk clerk: *grabs hair and takes it off and it turns out to be a wig and the clerk is bald.*

Soul: *drives home and a white disk fallows him*

The next day…

Blair: YAY! *running around the cat house in the living room like its Christmas morning* OMG! it's a miracle! *turns I into a cat and hops inside* IT HAS A CAT SIZED BED!… AND A CAT SIZED POOL! … AND A CAT SCREEN TV! : D *hops on cat sized couch and turns on TV* what's bad about this place! *TV shows the puppies from around the world in real life: *Dalmatians running up a hill with bagpipes in the background - English lab in a red basket with country in the background - chi Wawa chasing a camera with Mexican dance music in the background*

Blair: O.O … WAAAAAAAOU! *shrieks and throws remote at the TV and it changes it to South Park* that's better…

Two hours later…

Blair: *still in cat form and is laying on the couch lazily and is slowly eating a bowel of fish sticks* oh im just gonna admit it… im bord… hmm… what can I do?

Later

Blair: *plays COD modern warfare two* ok guys, how, how can I like… crouch down?

Other players: your pressing the melee button and-

Blair: is this the one? *throws grenade under a car and it explodes with the car and three people get killed* oh, sorry.

Other players: OH C'MON!

BlackStar: You suck!

Later again…

Blair: *wearing red sox baseball uniform and tosses ball into the air and hits it with a wooden bat and it goes in through lord deaths office window* O.O oops..

Lord Death: *pokes head out of the broken window* YOU DAMN KIDS!

Later… again!

Blair: *runs out into the living room naked and jumps up and down* IM NAKED! IM NAKED IM NAKED! Im.. Naked! Im… im… hm' T_T *walks away*

Later at night…

Blair: *in cat form sitting at a poker table in the cat house with eureka in frog form next to her and Mifume in mouse form across from eureka*

Blair: *drinks from a mini bottle of Vodka* five aces! *puts down two 4's and three 6's*

Eureka: *sigh* Blair, that's not five aces…

Blair: I SAID FIVE ACES GOD DAMN IT! *pounds fist on the table and makes a crazy eyed look*

Mifune: Blair… your drunk off vodka…

Blair: NO! im… im… you guys are… are too drunk… gimme, gimme your guys's car keys…

Eureka: Blair we don't own cars. And where not drunk, and if we ever did own cars and went out drinking then its more likely you wouldn't be the designated driver.

Blair: *drinks some more vodka and head lays on the table* No im… im driving, im the driva… *passes out on the floor*

Eureka: lets go… she'll silver up in the morning.

*Eureka and Mifune leave*

Next Morning…

*'the beast in me' by Johnny Cash in the background*

Blair: *in cat form dead asleep on the floor in the cat house and drool coming down from her mouth* ahh… what the hell?… *gets up and sees poker table* did I gamble last night? *walks out of the cat house and turns back into human form and starts making coffee* ugh… head ache from hell…

Soul: *wearing regular clothes and walks through the door* HEY BLAIR! YOULL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT!

Blair: *gets spooked* QUIET DOWN! *throws a cup of coffee at him and hit's the wall*

Soul: GEEZ! CALM DOWN!

Blair: *breaths in through the nose and out the mouth* ok… sorry… what happened?

Soul: I WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE MAFIA LAST NIGHT :D

Blair: … excuse me?

Soul: YEAH! I woke up in a ditch and I had a poker chip in my pocket! Only it wont come off… like at all.

Blair: Ok… im not gonna ask…

Soul: suit yourself, id tell the story but I cant remember anything… *goes into living room*

Blair: idiot… *starts getting another cup of coffee*

Soul: …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

Blair: WRAAAIO! *jumps up and onto the ceiling* ok… alright… *gets down* soul, whats wrong?

Soul: …

Blair: Soul?…

Soul: …

Blair: *walks into living room* Soul- OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN! :O

Soul: *huge satellite thing coming out of his butt* D: …

**TO BE CONTINUED!… REVIEW NOW!**


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